Vulnerability

faith and living room rugs

There is a scene in Notting Hill, a Rom Com from the 2000’s, where Julia Robert’s character stands before Hugh Grant’s character and says,

“ I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to love her.”

The context of this moment is Julie Roberts is an American movie star and by random happenstance she meets Hugh Grant who runs a travel bookstore in a little corner of London. They fall in love and in typical Rom Com fashion almost don’t make it. This scene comes close the end of the movie and if you don’t want to know what happens next, you should skip this part.

Julia is standing in the middle of Grant’s bookstore vulnerably asking to be in a relationship with Grant. Out of self protection Grant denies her, leaving her there surrounded by books. She leaves. Later he realizes how stupid it is to let Julia Roberts walk out the door and the movie ends happily after one very intense traffic sequence.

Why am I talking about Julia Roberts and Hugh Grant this morning? Because to be vulnerable, to ask for help, to put your needs out into the world and ask for something from someone else (at least for me) is one of the most painful things.

This week we launched a campaign for Stories Foundation. We are selling bracelets to bring in the rest of the money to break ground on Storyteller Cafe. Like with most things, this is a big goal and to launch it is vulnerable. In complete honesty, I didn’t want to put myself out there - again. Rejection hurts deeply and I am tired of rejection.

In making social media content yesterday, I thought of this scene in Notting Hill. I subsequently made a reel for instagram with my face and the voiceover “I’m just a girl, sitting in front of people who care asking them to buy a bracelet and share it with their friends” except I spelled “sitting” wrong and it was “sutting”. So, I took it down. The actual worst is to be vulnerable and make a mistake.

I noticed the other day there is something under the rug in my living room. I really should lift up the rug, see what it is, clean it up. In reality - I should clean under my entire rug. I did a deep clean of my rug around Christmas time, but I have children and a dog. It is time again for a cleaning. Especially considering I felt something under the rug.

To lift the rug and clean under it would take time and energy. Also I am little scared to think of what I might find under the rug. I would have to move the furniture and get the broom, vacuum and mop. So far, I have decided I would rather avoid the bump under the rug. It really isn’t bothering me enough yet. Maybe the next time we have people over.

This is a small example of what we do in life. There are bumps under our rugs. In our families, workplaces, in the living rooms of our soul. We shove things under the rug and let them pile up because we tell ourselves it is easier to avoid then to do the work to lift the rug and clean the mess.

I think part of my calling in life is to lift the rugs of our culture. I try to do it in the most compassionate way, but still, sometimes I feel people shove me under the rug with the things as I become associated with the topics they are actively avoiding.

This is a pretty raw post today. I blame vulnerability. To put myself out to the world and ask for help feels like unwanted exposure. A spotlight blinding my eyes when I just want to hide behind the curtain. I didn’t start a nonprofit to be famous. I don’t want to run a giveback cafe for my own notoriety. I would be content to never have to be on TV again, or have a photo shoot, or talk about sexual violence and pornography to a squirming room of people avoiding my gaze.

I sometimes wish my calling was more aligned with self help Christianity. The kind of encouragement that stops before it gets to application. I am not talking about self help as in self empowerment, I am talking about self help as in we like the gospel as long as it is for us, but we stop listening when we get to the part where we take the gospel and live it out. The part where the gospel isn’t to make us comfortable, but to make us different. Changed.

I am no Julia Roberts and so I don’t expect a Hugh Grant moment where people who have ignored the ask to be a part of building Storyteller Cafe for 10 years chase me through the streets of London, realizing their mistake.

I do hope though that God touches people’s hearts and they buy some bracelets. And then I hope they use their voice and influence to share it with their friends. I am not sure where the risk is in buying a bracelet and sharing it with others.

We underestimate the power of using our voice, the power of doing the small thing, doing what we can do for others. Everyone wants to be a hero, but barely anyone wants to lift up the living room rug. The not glamorous, but necessary, things - these are the things bringing lasting change and sustainability in life leading to clean cultural living rooms.

I don’t know, maybe my analogy doesn’t ring true today. Either way, if you are being vulnerable or feeling God asking you to put yourself out there, here is an encouragement.

Vulnerability breeds connection. Every time. Not with everyone, but with the people who are surrendered to God and following him in faith. Because to follow in faith is to be vulnerable. To have a sure hope in something you do not see and to move toward it - for me, this is the very definition of vulnerability. Just call me the new Webster.

You know who else vulnerability resonates with? People who are longing for authenticity and true connection. People don’t want perfect, they want honesty and hope. Jesus is the example of this. He was always moving through crowds in authenticity, honesty and vulnerability. There is nothing more vulnerable than the rejection Jesus experienced on the cross.

As Jesus People, are we an example of the whole gospel? Does the entire good news define our lives? Not the Jesus died to make me safe, happy and comfortable watered down American version of the gospel but the true gospel, the take up your cross and follow me version? Only you can answer that for yourselves. For me, it is a daily battle to take up my cross and in vulnerability follow my Savior.

I would rather look under the rug and clean things up for the people who live here than pretend the issues don’t exist and continually be a part of the problem. And I am no longer referring to my living room.

I would rather try and be rejected than never try at all.

Because my God says people are worth it. And he is faithful to do it.

The question is, will you and I answer is his call to join him?