Overlooked.

Seeing people matters.

It is so strange, to not be looked in the eye.

There was a time when I went into schools to talk about abstinence. Back when I was pregnant with my now 7 year old I walked my very round belly into 10th grade classrooms to talk about std’s and consent. How we don’t owe anybody anything, especially when it comes to our bodies. One of the things I would ask them to do is look each other in the eye. Why? Because if we are going to respect each other’s bodies we have to see each other as more than those bodies. We have to see our humanity.

It is a weird thing to be overlooked. Overlooked. A term I have heard used hundreds of times in my life but I didn’t think about what the word actually means until recently when I lived it. When someone actually looks over you. As in you are right in front of them and they look over or past you; through you maybe. Like you aren’t there.

What are the reasons we overlook people? Why do we not look people in the eye when we speak to them? I think the main reason is probably fear, maybe shame is a close second. A person also might avoid eye contact because they don’t feel safe, but that is a different type of not meeting a gaze.

Yesterday I was listening to a podcast and the conversation was about men and women working together in faith settings. It was a really good conversation and I recommend a listen. Towards the end the woman remembered a time when she had miscarried, two of her male colleagues heard she had miscarried and came to her and hugged her. This was towards the end of an infertility journey her and her husband has been on. She recalled how meaningful this compassionate connection was to her. The younger podcast host in a move of vulnerability and humility danced sheepishly around the topic of touch between men and women. Eventually he asked, isn’t this dangerous because touch can be misinterpreted?